As I sifted through sounds to create my 2024 reflection reel, I found myself scrolling for a long time. To say that so much has happened this year would be a wild understatement. I needed the musical accompaniment or background dictation to be perfect- and here is where I landed. Seconds into hearing this poem, I thought nothing to be more perfect.
I knew this year’s post would be a big one, so naturally, I started thinking about sitting and writing this about two months ago. I didn’t want to craft it yet, but I was already feeling overwhelmed because eventually… I would have to start it- and I had no idea what I was going to say. And to be honest, as the 2024 clock is running out and I sit here tapping away on the keyboard before me, I almost feel as if I’m throwing all of these words at you to buy myself time- to prolong the beginning of writing about the end.
How does one sum of a year such as this?
I’m wholeheartedly and honestly, not entirely sure.
So, I guess in an attempt to begin, I must start from the beginning, right? I can already feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I’m not even into the meat of this post… so, let’s roll back the tapes, take a trip down memory lane, and reflect. I recommend you buckle your seatbelts, because this is about to be quite the ride…
Right around this time last year, I had piles of clothes in just about every room of my childhood home- some freshly unpacked from the Big Apple, others recently removed from old drawers at home- all being openly presented with the final goal of selecting the lucky pieces that would be making the journey overseas with me. My visa had just gotten approved, I scraped up all of the cash I could find, spent 10 minutes a day on Duolingo-
And I was moving to Italy.
Guys, I’m not going to lie- I was so scared. I think perhaps at the time it may have been masked well as everyone around me seemed to comment on my excitement and bright eyes- but I think the twinkle they were seeing was just being mistaken for choked back tears. I cried every night for a week leading up to my departure, and in the final 48 hours my eyes would sporadically open up like a sky of dark gray clouds on a rainy day.
It’s not that I didn’t want to go- in fact, that’s not it at all. But having just closed up another chapter in Manhattan- and an abundance of goodbyes to go with it- and then tied in with entering into my last semester of college, moving to not only another city but another country (where I didn’t speak a lick of the language might I add), I think I was feeling a lot all at once. The study abroad program I was partaking in for my major was specifically crafted for juniors, and although I was connected with some- I really felt like I was going into this alone. When many took the group flight, I was traveling solo- a 35-hour travel day ahead- first stop New York City, then Amsterdam, finally arriving in Florence.
And that’s how my year began… Jumping head on into discomfort and fear- but confronting it.
Embracing it.
And most of you know the summary from there on out- as when I finally warmed up, it became my sole inspiration, discussion topic, and still is something I have yet to shut up about-
And I don’t think I ever will.
I’ve already written the posts and shared the stories- and although I could continue to go on forever with new anecdotes, life lessons, and moments from my time living abroad- I will spare you (for now…). And for a time that doesn’t deserve to be summed up in a nutshell, I will do my best to do that here- as 2024 was not just a European adventure…
Gradually- and I mean gradually– Florence and I found ourselves in a partnership- a companionship really. As much as I enjoyed spending time with the city, I felt my presence was enjoyed there just as much. It became my home- right there along with the people in it.
In the first five months of 2024, I went on to travel to 9 countries and 27 cities. I waltzed in an Austrian palace and skied the Swiss alps. I danced in a pub in Dublin and turned 22 in the mountains of the Amalfi Coast with just me, the moon, and the rooster next door…
I loved, and I learned. I met by far the most incredible people whom I still think about- Every. Single. Day.
And while I met so many others, I also met someone truly special…
Myself.
It’s funny- for last year’s reflection I remember using the quote “travel far enough, meet yourself”, but if only 2023 me knew what was in store for the next year. I think last year I started to meet her- touching the very tip of the iceberg. But this year?
I found her- I found me.
And I owe it to all of the hours spent sipping cappuccinos in Nab off of the cobblestone streets of Santa Reparata, and the after class conversations with passionate professors- to nights spent two stepping in a Switzerland “night club”, and hostels with 18 different people (not including the rats that ran around with us)- that’s a story for another time… but let’s just say that maybe if you ever find yourself in London, splurge on the hotel for the night 😉 or don’t because I made it out alive and have pretty good stories to tell because of it- so, your choice.
But do you know what I also owe it to…? Let’s continue shall we.
Well, after the dream I had lived in the earlier part of 2024 came to a close, I packed up my European life and headed home. 48 hours after returning back to the states, I was in a cap and gown- stoles and cords placed around my neck. I accepted my diploma, blew a kiss to what was, and walked straight into what now is (kind of).
Two weeks later, my car was packed again, and a northern girl was headed to give the south a try. I continued to call Knoxville home for the following two and a half months.
So, to answer the earlier question- about what else I owe finding myself to…?
As much as it’s important that we are thankful for the sun the shines light into our lives, we must find beauty in the darkness that presents itself as well. Coming back from overseas in May I was on a major high- and by the beginning of June I had fallen, and pretty hard for that matter. After having just lived a life finally figuring out what it was I truly wanted for myself and in my life moving forward, I very quickly was met with a life I realized I did not want.
But there’s importance in those moments too, isn’t there? How are we supposed to know what it is we don’t want unless we’ve given ourselves the chance to try it? So, I did it. I gave Knoxville a chance- and as much as there were hidden blessings nestled within that tiny city…
I couldn’t wait to get out.
Don’t get me wrong, I tried my best to make it into something good- I took advantage of being just an hour from the Smoky Mountains and witnessed the University of Tennessee win the college world series in the town they called their own. I bonded with some I still am glad to call my friends and added another corporate fashion experience under my belt. I found what I’m assuming was meant to be a form of silver lining- but come mid-August, I headed west…
Approximately 180 miles, that is.
I had my summer internship lined up for months ahead of time, so when I graduated back in May I didn’t feel an immediate sense of panic. I did however spend the summer applying to everything under the sun- even spent a month and a half interviewing with a place I had initially believed to be great, all to get rejected the last week of my internship.
Reality quickly hit and it was time to make a decision.
My sister and her family lived in the Nashville area and opened their doors to me. Throughout college I had always said I thought Nashville was the place for me- so I figured while the offer stood, I might as well give it a try.
Which now, brings me here.
I ended up moving in and spent a good couple of months getting my footing. It truly was a blessing I believe God very purposefully put into my life. I gained the gift of time- with both family and the job market. I got rejected a lot– that’s how the story always goes, isn’t it?
Nashville very quickly became nothing I had imagined it to be, and I debated heading back up north or overseas- I wasn’t quite sure how, but I was determined to figure it out. I started applying to programs to teach English in Spain and struggled with the idea of putting my fashion career on hold. I felt extremely and entirely conflicted.
Although I had pretty much written Nashville off, there was one place I had on my list I wanted to go- a hat designer I had started following sometime last year had opened a store in the city. If you’ve been here a while, you know my love for hats, and if you’re new here- now you know. While I was in the midst of seriously interviewing for a job back up north, I suddenly felt like my time in Nashville was now somehow running out- so I ventured to the one place I had yearned to go.
An hour and a half later, I was still standing in conversation with this person I had only ever known from a screen. We talked all things passion, life, career, and so on. His road to get where he is now was anything but linear, and I confessed my conflictions, doubts, and confusion. Right before we ended the conversation, he told me he felt like something was just around the corner- maybe in Nashville, maybe not, but whatever it was, it would all work itself out.
That very next morning, a celebrity stylist I had been following for years posted on her Instagram story that she was in search of a Lead Stylist Assistant. As I began interviewing for that position, my job lead back in Philadelphia fell through and it’s almost as if everything… fell into place- just as the man had said.
Interesting how that works.
On top of that position, I had been craving to bring Irish dance back into my life. It’s just a sport that I don’t think ever really leaves you- laughable possibly for those who don’t understand, but if you get it, you get it- there’s no other way to explain it. I now teach dance multiple days a week and have reignited that spark that had been dimmed.
And to top it all off, The Environista expanded into a business and I’ve since officially fulfilled 13 thrift bundle orders in 2024!
As I began signing onto jobs while still living right outside of Nashville- crashing on the camping mattress in my sister’s house and driving 75 miles a day (minimum) started to become a lot. I decided to see what was out there- reminding myself it was okay and normal to want to get out there on my own again. At the beginning of November, I officially moved into a house where I will reside for…
One year.
Talk about commitment- HA!
So, I’m “settling” for a bit. Initially a tough concept to grasp as I spent the earlier months of this year hopping from hostel to hostel- maybe the dust needs to settle for a bit. I mean gosh, I’m not quite sure the last time it’s actually been- settled.
And that’s my 2024… crazy, unconventional, and diverse. There was an abundance of magic and a fair share of hardship- massive amounts of love shared and heartbreak in many forms to go right there along with it.
Although every day is a gift, the days of 2024 were true blessings. They will forever carry days and moments so good I would’ve never known to ask for them- people I never knew existed but am now oh so happy I do. And although every year shapes me a bit more into who I am, this year has been a big one. I’m leaving this year feeling the most, well… me.
Unapologetically myself.
When I think about this year, I feel like I should be saying thank you till I turn blue in the face- thank you to my parents, family, God, strangers turned friends- for the lessons, opportunities, rejections, memories, laughs, joy, heartbreak, sadness, anger, confusion- every single bit of it.
So as this poem reads,
“I know now that this is how it works,
You don’t get to keep everyone in your life forever.
There are some people that are just meant to be a sunrise for you,
A light to pull you out of the darkness,
There are friends, lovers, relationships that are seasonal.
No matter how deep of a conversation you had with that person at 2am,
No matter how much you shared your heart.
Even if you can still draw the lines of their smile,
Like a too familiar road in the back of your mind,
There almost always comes a time to move on.
A time to let go.
And regardless of the letting go,
I just wanted you to know,
That you’re always going to feel a little bit like home to me.
No matter how temporary,
It is still beautiful that I got to call so many hearts,
My home.”
- Whitney Hanson
As I let go of 2024, I will forever carry pieces of it with me- understanding that it’s natural for the sun to set, but still important to appreciate how beautiful it was in the moment- both people and places.
If you take anything from this ongoing ramble let it be this-
You will never get certain moments back. We will never get certain moments back. I will never get certain moments back from this year…
So please, appreciate the moments you are given, for they are inevitably always temporary. And I think truly that is what makes certain moments so special- so unique- but as I enter 2025, I aspire to be present. To live with intention every day- giving myself grace in wanting more for the future, all while still being able to live presently, kindly, and entirely and fully-
Myself.
