I went to my first music festival by myself this past weekend.
And after spending the greater part of this year with just me, my sambas, and a passport, flying solo shouldn’t have been a foreign concept to me. All those months ago, those trips I took were about adventure and exploration- never really following an agenda too close and instead appreciating the simple art of observation.
When I attended the festival last year, I was in the midst of contributing to a story in a school magazine. Not to mention, my parents had joined along. So, while sharing laughs with them and snapping a few festival outfits on my camera here and there- there was a balance. But this year was different- no family, no magazine.
So, what was I supposed to do…? (Funny that just sitting and enjoying music from spectacular artists just didn’t suffice in my mind- crazy, I know.) But the idea of not walking out of this weekend with a contribution or goal met was hard for me to chew. And then I remembered… I didn’t need a magazine- I have this! Four years ago, I started this website for just this purpose- to share just a fraction of what I see through my eyes with yours.
So, I came up with a plan.
This was my chance- my time to really network with this new city I’m now calling home. I was going to write my own piece detailing the fashions of the weekend- the outfits, the culture, all of it. I would bring my camera along with my brand-spanking new business cards hot off the press.
You know it’s funny- when I told one of my sisters about my new set goal for the weekend- the intention- there was a moment where I’d questioned if she was still on the other line. A momentary silence. And then she spoke-
“Not everything you do has to be for work you know… you’re allowed to just enjoy something for the fun of it.”
A hard pill for me to swallow- in fact, at the time, I went ahead and spit that pill right out!
Work?? This wasn’t work- and even if it was, I love it!! Yes, it’s what I do, but it’s also what inspires me, what drives me.
I tried to explain that my plan for the weekend wasn’t created from feelings of obligation, but to be honest, after I responded in a somewhat defensive tone, the topic of conversation was thrown out the window and we moved onto something new.
To give a brief update on life happenings as of late, I’m currently working two jobs and just started a small business of my own- and I’m loving every bit of it. But last week? Last week was one of those weeks you just want to hit the fast forward button through. I’m not quite sure what was in the air, but I thought Monday was Thursday and Thursday, Monday. As I began to wrap the work week it hit me that I was signed up to spend a weekend networking for a good 10-12 hours per day all while trying to enjoy some music in between. Besides the headliners, I had roughly no idea of who else to expect and when for that matter. The first set was to begin in less than 48 hours, and I felt entirely unprepared.
On Thursday night, the weather forecast took a turn for the worse and whispers about the festival being cancelled began to fly around the town. I had been planning on attending this event since Zach Bryan ended his set on that beautiful Sunday night last September, just one year ago. The anticipation had been building and the lineup this year was a dream.
And when it all came down to this moment of uncertainty, I have to admit…
I wished the rumors were true. I wanted it to be canceled.
I know, I know, an awful sentiment to wish and say- but to be quite frank, I was exhausted. My body ached, eyes stung, and brain was so scattered I had trouble stringing sentences together at times. A pesky feeling from my past was knocking on my door- and its name?
Burnout.
So, the festival happened.
Rain filled the forecast and with the temperature dropping into the 60’s I was sure most Tennesseans would be showing up in their parkas and galoshes… Not the best attire to be writing a country concert fashion piece on.
My plans- my set weekend goal- had shifted.
The camera was left at home, I slipped only a few of those new business cards in my pocket, I put on my cowboy boots and went- just me. No work, no motive, no goal.
And can I tell you- I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
I had no longer made it my job to attend. Instead of spending the weekend scouring the crowds for the best dressed, I spent it trying not to slip in the mud. I sat on benches, smiled at strangers, and danced to some pretty great tunes. I felt the rain on my face and didn’t have to worry about equipment getting wet or missing the perfect moment or outfit with my camera.
This weekend, my camera was my eyes, and the story- was to just live in it. No specific topic, no direction.
Oh my goodness, it was freeing.
Listen, I love what I do- genuinely. Every day I wake up and thank God that he blessed me with finding one of my passions at such a young age. It truly is what sets my soul on fire and a lot of days gets me going in the morning. But in the midst of all this recent change, I think work started to bleed a little too much into the life category.
If my sister is reading this right now, surely, she will crack a smile because…
She was right.
Instead of getting in my car each night this weekend anxious to open my laptop to view the latest fits from the day and write every single thought and anecdote that went along with it, I actually just stepped into my car and sat- windows down, music that filled my ears that day now playing through the aux. Traffic for miles, but not in a hurry.
I got to just sit with myself- something I feel like I hadn’t done in this way in a long time. It was a weekend of almost feeling invisible. I didn’t know a soul, and most were occupied with whom accompanied them. And instead of leaving you with the initially planned story, I’m walking away with this.
Although there were so many moments that stuck out to me this weekend, there were a select few that actually drew me out of my peaceful state, so much so, I opened up that notes app and jotted down an idea necessary for later remembrance.
1. Starting off strong, Hozier walked out onto stage, and before singing a single word shouted- “This weather gives me f- strength!”
Notable because it brought me laughter- and we all need to laugh every once in a while, even if it’s all by our lonesome. His statement made me think back to my magical few days in his home country thousands of miles away back at the beginning of this year. A place where it’s raining one minute and the sun is shining the next- but regardless, the grass is always green. It made me think of my family, my home, and my heritage. My roots.
And that made me smile.
2. “Write a good song for me.” Words spoken by Stephen Wilson Jr. whilst telling the story of his dad’s passing.
Notable because it brought me to tears- also something we all need to do every once in a while. Just as I’ve always seen the storytelling in visuals, I love when storytelling takes on new origins- especially in music and songwriting. This weekend I had the privilege of hearing a lot of different stories from people who weren’t initially on my radar, but made so much of an impact that I can now guarantee they’ll never escape from it. I’d never heard of Stephen Wilson Jr., but while doing some research the night before he performed, I thought he had a cool sound- so I figured I’d check him out when the time came around.
A few songs into his set, the tone changed as he painted the picture of his dad’s passing years ago. He had to say goodbye over facetime on an iPhone 8, and his dad’s last words to him were, “Write a good song for me.”
So, he did. And my goodness it was beautiful.
3. Muddy lots call for tow trucks and teamwork…
Notable because it warmed my heart. With the rain came mud- and lots of it! I thought I had done myself a favor this year splurging on the North Lot Parking Pass- it was directly on the grounds, (and was also the only parking pass available when I made my purchase). As Saturday’s show day came to an end, it was a race to the parking lot to see who could get to their car first, all to just sit in the same traffic. As I was waiting for a kind driver to allow me into their massive line of stillness, I was patient. Like I said earlier, I wasn’t in a hurry and was just replaying all of the fantastic sounds of the day in my head. I was content. But 20 minutes of no movement, turned to 30 and I couldn’t help but wonder what was going on. As I peered over to my right, just two cars ahead, three guys jumped out of their vehicle- one in overalls, re-buckling them to ensure they were secure. Without hesitation, they placed their hands on the back of the car in front of them and pushed.
It was straight out of a movie.
Turns out, the car in front of them had gotten stuck- wheels spinning but covering no ground. With what I’m sure was an adrenaline filled push, the car was successfully released from the mud pit. The boys hopped back into their car, and everyone went on their merry way.
Community. That’s what that showed me.
All strangers to one another, there was no hesitation- in fact, there weren’t even words shared. Somebody saw a problem and took action. As I reflected on all the other places I’ve lived, it made me wonder if something like that would’ve happened there- If people would have just hopped out to push a car out of the mud. And to be honest with you…
I’m not really sure.
4. “I want to shout this song out to anyone who came to this concert alone.” I was the only one who screamed…
Notable because, well, I was there alone! As Noah Kahan blessed our ears on a Franklin, Tennessee Sunday night, he brought an energy that made you forget you’d been standing in the rain for 8 hours straight. His melodies alleviated the knee pain and jokes made you forget that every inch of your clothing needed to be rung out like a dripping washcloth in a sink.
With commentary here and there between songs, he took on a blunter tone as he began detailing his life just under a decade ago. In 2016, he moved to Nashville. Eyes wide and bright- hopeful for new friends- he was sure he was going to build a community here. Turns out, it wasn’t as easy as he’d expected…
“I had to become my own friend.”
He continued to talk about the self-growth journey that came out of that time in his life- a time when he had to show up for himself.
“I really learned to love myself,” he said.
His words felt like a hug. They were relatable beyond measure and in a crowd where I felt invisible all weekend- I now felt seen. Just as I typically turn to my keyboard in times like that, he turned to his notepad and wrote a song instead-
You’re Gonna Go Far.
I laughed and cried all at the same time as he belted the lyrics.
“So pack up your car, put a hand to your heart, Say whatever you feel, be wherever you are, We ain’t angry at you love, you’re the greatest thing we’ve lost…”
As I’ve fallen in love with discovering different corners of the world, I never really highlight all the things I am leaving behind while doing so. It’s a tough concept- to inevitably move away from home in an attempt to make a life for yourself and discover who you are- but surrender to missing nightly Jeopardy with dad and Saturday morning smoothie bowl chats with mom.
And although I don’t necessarily have a satisfying and less somber conclusion, I guess this moment just gave me an even greater appreciation for this song and Noah’s artistry. It was a bittersweet way to end the weekend- to be able to reach the deepness of emotion and understanding that I did. I’ve always loved music, but as I put the fashion card in my back pocket and brought a different industry to the front- I learned, I grew, I appreciated, and-
I enjoyed, just for the fun of it.
