As I closed my computer, said goodbye to my professors, and gave my last presentation, it hit me- I had just finished my undergrad on a random Tuesday. No more classes- ever. College has ended.
At the sudden realization of this, I had a lot of mixed emotions. Weirdly I didn’t find myself mourning the loss of college. When I left Ohio last spring, I think that was my moment- no more campus walks, late night apartment chats, college football games- I already coped with closing that chapter of my life. So, if it’s not that.. if I’m not mourning the loss of college then why do I have this weird sense of sadness and apprehension?
This year, senior year, was different. As much as I went to class, still had finals, etc., I was living out in the real world- in a place where not just students existed. I fell in love with travel in a way I never have before, and I realized that if I wanted to do something it was in my power to make it happen… so I’d do it.
Freedom. That’s what I feel like I’m mourning.
It’s funny, I think when a lot of people graduate they feel as though they are GAINING freedom and I’m over here feeling like that’s the thing I’m letting go…
And no, this isn’t some hopeless post about the future, because I’m not! But nevertheless, it’s all a little scary, and as someone who has lived a very nomadic lifestyle for the last year, the thought of settling somewhere, into a job, and letting go of everything I have fallen in love with this year is a suffocating feeling.
I’m always saying “onto the next chapter!”, but this doesn’t feel like just a chapter. The end of this journey truly marks the end of a book- of my schooling years, childhood, and life as I’ve known it for the last 22 years.
But thank goodness for sequels… because the closing of a book doesn’t really make it the end.
So, here is to beginning a new book of life and writing new stories.
