I’ve been finding it harder lately. To write.
As I sit here on a dark Tennessee night, listening to the buzz of the crickets, and occasionally peering up at the night sky above me- I can hardly see the keyboard to my computer, and usually, that wouldn’t be a problem. For months, I’ve been flowing with inspiration and every day, my typing got a little faster, with fewer mistakes as the time went on.
And now, it’s taken me at least 3 minutes to just type out that excerpt above. I’m out of practice, and although it happens to the best of us- I can’t help but admit this realization makes me a bit sad, because these red underlines aren’t just conveying my spelling errors, but they’re a signal that it’s been a long time. Too long.
This past year, embarking on my solo adult life, I’ve placed a lot of focus on finding what feeds my soul- those little things that get me up in the morning and keep me going in the late hours of the night. The activities outside of work, that give me a sense of peace and fulfillment. The things that make me whole. As I’ve found and picked up the pebbles to my soul on this road of life, I’ve made extra efforts to implement those things that bring me joy into my everyday life, and lately… I feel as though I’ve misplaced all of those pebbles that I’ve worked to find over the years. Whether due to lack of inspiration, motivation, or discontent with my current situation, in just a month’s time I haven’t been able to bring myself to write, or paint- the hikes I had planned are lacking, and human connection is almost nonexistent.
If I’ve learned anything these last few weeks, it’s that life comes in waves. Sometimes you ride a good wave for a while, and others, you’re caught in the undertow, learning how to get back to the surface to breathe. The first day of my move, I journaled that “in the last 24 hours”, I’d taken a lot of deep breaths. More than normal. My chest felt a little tighter and I had to close my eyes just to be able to clearly inhale and exhale- to ground myself back to where I was in that moment. It’s a feeling that I know will continue to come and go throughout the course of my life, but never there to permanently stay. It’s a feeling that comes with change.
In moments like these, I like to ask myself what the purpose in this moment is for occurring in my life. It’s easy to be grateful for the good moments, but how do we find grace in the not-so-easy ones?
Well, that’s what I’m trying to figure out right now.
I guess in the end, not all things are meant to be loved by us- there surely will be things in this life that simply aren’t for us- and that’s okay. I’m learning that sometimes, the purpose of an experience can be to convey what you don’t want.
Recently, I’ve learned that it’s okay to acknowledge the not-so-great feelings about something- but here’s the kicker… How are you going to turn this not-so-great situation into something worth living?
Sometimes, you can’t change where you are or what you’re doing in the exact moment you’re in- but it’s still life…
Every day I open up my computer and I see three simple, yet profound words I used to have passionately uttered to me every morning in Florence- “Enjoy your life.” And truthfully, it’s still a reminder I need every day- we all do… Because you see, even in those hard moments- the ones where we may not be our most content or joyful selves, we still must enjoy our lives- whether we like it or not, it’s happening- right here, right now, in this present moment. So how can we enjoy it? What things can you do for yourself to change your situation?
Maybe it’s waking up 15 minutes earlier to get in your morning tea or coffee while watching the sunrise. Or what about spending your commutes to work listening to music that feeds your soul?
It’s true- life cannot be perfect all the time… but then again, when is anything truly perfect?
We must take the moments in our life for what they are- to enjoy life in the ways we can in the present moment while making plans for positive, conscious changes in the future.
Today’s post may seem a little heavier than usual- discussing the negatives more than the positives- but I see it as a good reminder that as much as it’s important to look for the good in every day, moment, and lesson in life- it’s also okay to acknowledge some of our not so favorite moments.
But as I’ve said before, they too shall pass- so as much as we can, we must take the day and time for what it is, and still strive to find the beauty of a moment- even if it’s learning you want less moments similar to the one you’re currently in.
